Egg donor or mother? fine line between the 2?

The following is mine, no didn't make it up but didn't get reason for what was or not done.

I know if a few folks in my family read this they are gonna be pissed. Well all I can say is GET THE FUCK OVER IT!  You can't judge me till your in my shoes!

Wikipedia defines mother as :

In the case of a mammal such as a human, a pregnant woman gestates a fertilized ovum. A fetus develops from the viable fertilized ovum or "embryo." Gestation occurs in the woman's uterus from conception until the fetus (assuming it is carried to term) is sufficiently developed to be born. The woman experiences labor and gives birth. Usually, once the baby is born, the mother produces milk via the lactation process. The mother's breast milk is the source of anti-bodies for the infant's immune system and commonly the sole source of nutrition for the first year or more of the child's life.

Dictionary defines it as :

moth·er

¹ [muhth-er] noun

1.a female parent.

 

2.( often initial capital letter  ) one's female parent.

 

3.a mother-in-law, stepmother, or adoptive mother.

 

4. a term of address for a female parent or a woman having or regarded as having the status, function, or authority of a female parent.

 

5.a term of familiar address for an old or elderly woman.

 

6.mother superior.

 

7.a woman exercising control, influence, or authority like that of a mother: to be a mother to someone.

 

8.the qualities characteristic of a mother, as maternal affection: It is the mother in her showing itself.

 

9.something or someone that gives rise to or exercises protecting care over something else; origin or source.

 

10.(in disc recording) a mold from which stampers are made.

 

Neither of which tells of what a mother should be.

 

I am the 3rd child of Irene. Was I planned? no clue, didn't ask. And can't now she's dead. I am Henry's 2nd child. No I wasn't suppost to know that but guess what I do know. so get over it. 

No my parents wern't like everyone else, they fought all the time. Yes I remember it. 

I also remember being sent to visit the neighbor, Mrs. Pader. She has passed on but was always nice to me. Or to visit Mrs. Curtis. Not sure what has happened to her. The other neighbor was from russia, yes the country. They grew goose berries I just LOVED to steal when they were on our side of the fence. 

Dad worked at Tyler automatics, not sure if they are still there. He seemed to like his job mostly.

But this isn't about him, I'll do more for him on another page.

I remember my mother's mother being diabetic and having to take shot. Her leaning over and saying in a low voice "let hope you dont have to give yourself shots all the time"

Now my dad's mother was pretty cool. She treated me like one of the gang. I fit in everywhere! No one was bad in her eyes. She loved every one of her grand kids. Since she has to many kids herself it wasn't a big deal for us to go visit. Mother was as comfortable with it as she was.

There are several memories of my mother I want to put down. One was the day she gathers all us kids up, but this time there was 4 of us. And we ran away with the guy down the street to a place called Wolcott. That part of my memories is kinda blury but I'll do my best to remember.

Moving into the house, Bill telling us to hide so our dad couldn't find out. "if you see his car go hide in the woods" he said. I didn't understand why I would hide from my father but that's what he wanted so I did it.  I didn't like the school there, more than once I got lost going back to the house. Then I would get punished for being stupid.

I remember when court happened too. Yes my parents got divorced in 1967.  I also remember what was said in court. Those words are burned in my memory. She said "I dont want those little bastards" and walked out of the courtroom and out of our lives. 

What could I have done or said to make her hate me? she must have or how could she say that? I did ask her years later and she ignored the question. 

I was a child that needed her parents, yet they were not there. The burning of her clothes on the front lawn to show everyone she was gone. It didn't make sense when I was a child but it does now. Back in 67 there were very few single fathers with custody of 4 kids. He did what he could but he needed help. He asked his sister, Aunt Rita to give him a hand when my sister Debbie fell and broke her hip. She did help, Carol, Laurie and myself stayed with her till the courts found out. Debbie was placed in a childrens home near New Haven they said till her hip healed.Then Laurie was put with her god parents, that's what they were for right? But she didn't stay there. The state took custody of us and placed us in foster care. Care is the wrong word for some of those places. 

I asked if I could talk to my mom, got told "she dont wanna talk to you" . How could she not like me? what did I do? Does this mean she hates me? How can a real mother turn her back on her children? There has to be a mistake. She wouldn't do that? would she? I spent many hours thinking of what I did to make my mother not care. Hell of a childhood. 

My Aunt lost custody of Carol and myself. Not going to explain that just say she is single and still single to this day. I was now bouncing from foster home to foster home. I wanted to be with my dad, but that wasn't possible. Dad didn't have anyone to help him at his house. I was told dad couldnt read so it would be best if you didnt try to go live with him. And me like an idiot believed them. 

So I tried to get my mom to let me live with her. She had since married and had a 2 bedroom apartment. Well it wasn't exactly 2 bedroom like you'd think.  It was 2 bedrooms yes, and a kitchen. That was the whole place. Books stacked all over. Magazines towered over the beds and covered any surface you could stack them. Nope cleaning wasn't a thing you could do without bringing in a dumpster to throw out all the junk, well was junk to me. 

I lived with them for almost a year in that tiny place. Trips to go see Bill's kids once in a while. But mostly I went to school and did homework. Till Bill eyed me one day. God knows I wish that day had never been. Mother was at the neighbors working on a cover for thier bed. I was in my room minding my own business. I was only 11 for crying out loud. How much trouble could I get into then? Turned out I could get in trouble, and not something anyone would dream would have happened to an 11 year old. 

I was sitting on my bed doing homework. When Bill came in from work. He yelled to see where I was. I said right here, doing my homework. Then he yelled for my mother, no answer. Yelled again, Again no answer. Then asked, you know where she is? yes she is downstairs working on her project with the neighbor. 

Next thing I know he's standing in my doorway. Watching me like a hungry cat watching a mouse. He said "I've been watching you and want to show you something" 

Show me something? what in the world was he talking about?

Then he grabs my wrist and drags me to his face and starts kissing me? I fought as hard as I could. His hands were all over me! I tried to get away! I finally punched him in the face to get away and ran out the door to my mother downstairs! Oh my god what did he do that for? why did he make me wanna jump out the window to get away? Someone please help me understand.

Later that night when he went to sleep I went and asked my mother. Her response to this day is a shock I'll never get over. She said "he just wanted to show how much he loves you". I must have had one hell of a look on my face as I ran out the door! How could she said something like that? she think it's ok for that dirty old man to put his hands on me? why? it's not ok I want outta here! That was the last conversation I had with her for years. 

Next morning I called the social worker and told her what happened and I was outta there! 

Funny my mother thought it was ok but the social worker didn't. I ended up that afternoon at Children's Home of Cromwell, where I stayed for the next 4 years. 

I ran away from there twice. They figured they couldn't take the time to keep finding me and let me leave. I went to stay with my cousin, no not going to name her name. She and her husband had troubles of thier own. It was there I started drinking. A friend that got me outta there, to try and save me. I stayed with her and her husband and daughter for about 6 months when the social worker said you can't stay there outta school. So I had to move again.

The next move was back to my Aunt Rita. Now I'm about full grown and can do whatever I want, within reason. I didn't drink while in her house. But I did smoke. Lesser of 2 evils so to speak.

Stayed there for about a year when my Aunt and Uncle in Maine asked me to come stay with them. They could get me a job. And I would be closer to my mother! At last I could talk to her and be family right? WRONG!

Yes mother lived in Maine with Bill. Yes she was footloose and fancy free. She had friends that she played Beeno with, it's like bingo for french folks. She had friends, one named Valerie that lived next door. I could go see her when I wasn't working, this was great! 

God knows I wish it had been. I refused to be alone with Bill. I wasn't giving him another chance to go on the attack. 

One day at work I was talking to one of the ladies and she was telling about Jeannie and her boyfriend. So I said who is this woman? could I know her? She explains who she is, and I freaked out. She was talking about my mother! I said she's my mother you know. Then the next dagger get thrusted in my heart. Mom had told them "I have no kids" ...what? I'm not real? are sure this is the same woman? I listened to stories about them making out, having sex at her friends house. It can't be my mother, can it? Made me sick to listen but I did to try and piece this together for the facts. Her boyfriend was married, with a son my age. This had been going on for 2 years when I found out about it. 

When I confronted her with what I knew she said "but I couldn't tell them I had kids that would lead to way more questions" Oh so to feed your sex habit your children dont exist I got it. Dont mean I gotta like it but I understand. 

Went to dinner with the guy I was dating, no I was not sleeping with him. When Bill turned his back she flirted with my boyfriend. I couldn't believe she did that right in front of my face!

Was the last dinner I had with her. I refused to bring anyone to meet her for fear of what she might do next. 

about 6 months later I found out I was pregnant, didn't have to tell anyone was my business.

I did tell her, wanted to hear what she had to say. I was shocked at her saying "you dont need a kid get an abortion" When did I change my beliefs? How could she say that to me knowing I'm a catholic? I can't do that and didn't talk much to her for a while.

 

One night she showed up at my apartment, Rhonda was sleeping in the only bedroom. She wanted to use my apartment as the place she could bring her boyfriend and have sex. It made me sick! I told him no that and and added, "any pecker tracks on my sheets will be put there by me and only me" Ok it was tacky but dang someone had to let her know it wasn't a thing to do.

I didn't speak to her for a bunch of years again. I moved several times, and didn't bother to keep in touch for fear she would want me to cover for her. I'm not good at lying, I forget what I say and get all messed up so it's easier to tell facts as I know them. The next call I got was from my sister saying she was in the hospital. So I called. I wish I had not called. She said "there is Bill at the door I gotta go, he hates you" and she hung up. That was the last time I spoke to her.

So you can see I didn't have a mother my whole life. Mothers day is just another day. I didn't go to her funeral. The woman didn't respect me, so I'm going to fly to Maine and pay my respects?  ARE YOU INSANE? I couldn't bring myself to live that lie.

A Feeling you want or maybe not

Been doing a bunch of thinking.... That can be dangerous for folks that cant keep thier brain on one thing for more than a few seconds. So here I go with thoughts about feelings and how they make me feel. Let me say this before I put this all down. I have NO friends with privileges. Meaning I have never nor will ever sleep with a friend. I just dont do that EVER.

First, and foremost is friendship. I have several folks that I know, but are not real friends. I trust some with my life and others with a piece of toilet paper. There is a difference between friends too.

The ones I trust with my life have earned that spot. They dont have to actually do anything just be alive. And they must stay that way, I dont give permission to die.....ask my friend Earle. He will laugh and say yup she said that to me while I was having a heart attack. That was sheer luck I called when it was going on. No one called me, I just had a feeling I needed to call him.  No I dont call him all the time, just when I feel like he needs me to talk or I need a friend that doesn't pass judgement on me. He listens to what I have to say. Has never yelled with his voice but he can with his body language, tell me he's not happy with something I've said.  He is like a brother I never had that would protect me if necessary. I can pick his brain, hey can you fix my computer? it's acting nuts again. Or if I need a small engine worked on he's at the top of my list.

Then there is Johnny. He looks like my dad only nowhere near as grumpy. He has 2 daughters, both are very beautiful. No I havn't told them that. Why? not exactly sure but I know I havnt yet. I will one day and scare the hell outta them. They each have kids of thier own, I was there when some of them were born...as in I was in the room cheering Crystal on! Their mother, on the other hand, hates me...like I give a rats ass. She isnt married to Johnny no more, hell she's been married twice since he got his divorce from her. The only reason I mentioned her is the snide comment she made when Crystal had her second baby Tyler. I was in the room with her, her mother was not. I ran outta the room cuz I had to pee like a freaking race horse. As I ran by Johnny I told him Crystal and the Tyler were both fine. And slammed the bathroom door. Then I heard the words that would make me wanna not throttle but rip her head off and shit down her neck! What she said was "I'll wait for someone in the family to tell me" and Johnny told her to shut up! Why wasn't she there? you'll have to ask her for the real reason she expected anyone to take care of her daughter and grandchild while she did her thing. I stay outta that mess. 

I met Johnny at the Waffle House, he was there everyday. And he looks like my dad! Everyone laughs when I say that but damn it he does! I picked on him, just like everyone else only he smiled. He thought I was funny and liked me. Pretty cool! so over the next few weeks we talked. 

About the weather, the kids, my dogs, anything he wanted to talk about. We even talked about work. He had a flooring company then and wanted me to help him get payroll on his computer. OK I can do that, so I got software and set it up. I did none of the banking, just figured out how much he needed to pay his guys and how much needed to go to taxes. The software did everything, I just punched in numbers after I got it set up. He trusted me to get it right, and by god I'd do my best to make sure it was right.  

And there was John, he is one hell of a redneck! but I like him just as he is. He has changed since his stroke in the past few years but he's still John. He has married 3 times since I met him. Angie, Paula and his present wife. None of them figured I was a threat, cuz I never was. 

He wanted to talk I'd sit and listen. He talked about work and his parents mostly. That was fine with me. I gave him advice when he asked for it, not gonna give it before. When his dad died he kinda went to pieces, they were really close. I just listened as he talked. When I needed an ear he was there to listen to me so we were even. He has other friends, and I dont even talk to those folks but that's another story. I gave him some advice a few years ago. I said "John you got 4 kids now, how many you think you can afford?" and that made him think. I let him decide what he wanted to do. He was then married to Paula. He decided to get a vasectomy, and his wife had to sign the papers that she understood it would make him not able to father any more children. He came back to the house a week after we talked to show me the papers she had signed agreeing she understood and was ok to have the surgery done.  Well I have to guess she changed her mind or realized he wasn't going to get her pregnant ever again and divorced him. That was just plain cold on her part.


Then we go to the "best friends" part....

First let me say this, my husband is NOT my best friend anymore. He was when we first married then he took it upon himself to screw that up royally.

Started out we worked together on the shop, taking off the burned part. Cleaning up the mess and all that. Started rebuilding what needed to be so we might one day be able to do something with the building. I was lead to believe we could and would make it liveable. That turned out to be one big fat lie. He didn't want it to live in, he wanted to put a train layout in the damn thing. If I had know that you think I would have worked that hard for him to have a place to play? HELL NO!

His first screw up was putting the new roof on the porch, He didn't put the last rafter where it needed to be so the end was sorta floating in mid air. He climbed up there to put this valley tin to keep the rain from washing down the wall. Mind you he was up there with a 10 foot long 4 foot wide piece of valley tin in the middle of a wind storm! I was busy working my chat room shift and asked him to stay off the roof in the dark and while the wind was blowing. He didn't listen and fell off the roof. That fall was the end of him being the guy I married and the start of the lazy good for nothing idiot I'm stuck with. He broke one wrist, a simple fracture. The other he shattered. Put a crack in his breast bone and a bump on his head. Idiot doctors were saying he would have a heart attack on the table while they were trying to fix his wrist. There was not a problem with his heart, his head yes but heart no. I got them to release him and took him to my doctor. My doctor fixed his wrist that was shattered in a day surgery thing so it was good. Or so I thought. He had this metal bar on the outside of his skin with posts running thru the bone. Had to make sure he didn't move it while it healed. Got a friend to "baby sit" while I went and installed floors. Little did I know behind my back my so called friend wasn't just keeping him company she was doing the wild thing with him. Just thinking about it makes me wanna puke!
I didnt find out till years after but I did find out. That was the beginning of the end of our marriage.

For his next stupid stunt he helped this guy cut off the barrel on a machine gun. His excuse, we needed money. Really? did you ask me to help with the bills? did you bother to tell me what you were doing? HELL NO! The reason I put this in is it pisses me off that I was ignored as his partner and treated like a fluff ball! I'm not stupid, I can take care of myself pretty much but when you go silent I can't tell what the hell is going on and can't help fix it. I tried to act like it didn't bother me, and no one knew....well Johnny figured something was up but didn't wanna ask.
For that stupid stunt he got himself plastered all over the news and something he was not. He didn't build that machine gun, he didn't sell that machine gun. He cut the damn thing off. The machine gun was bought at a flea market. Yet dummy plead guilty to selling with a tax stamp.
The following 2 years he was locked up behind bars. I stayed at the house going on as best as I could all alone. He paid nothing while he was locked up, but did bark orders when he called.

While he was locked up I got 2 phone calls, one from the woman that used to live next door and one from a hooker, her words not mine. The first call was the hooker. She said "you know he likes me to take my teeth out when I suck him off?" I was floored. How could she call me and say this to me? Then she says "and he likes to lay on his back so he dont hurt his arm so I can ride him like a pony"  man oh man didn't that make me feel sick. I cried many times over that call. How could anyone do that to another woman and think it's fine to do that?  The second call was the neighbor. She tells me how she used to get "serviced" when I was at work. once again I cried. Where did I screw up? I trusted him and he did this behind my back? What the hell kinda crap is this? 

I kept all the "love letters" he sent me, I'll let whoever wants to read them go ahead. There is no love in those letters. It was like I was just taking care of the house till he got out. I cried most nites thinking what the hell did I do to deserve this? I must have done something really wrong for my life to hit the shitter so fast.  If I had left then he would have lost everything, and as his wife I had to try and keep things together. Which I did. Everything was just as he left it the day he walked out to go to prison. Did he once say I'm sorry? hell no. I was hurt and confused as to exactly how to keep going, but I did anyways.

Now I have a hard time trusting anyone. I have been hurt to the point I have thought about ending it all. Have I showed how much he hurt me? nope, that would make him think I was weak but I'm not weak. My body is messed up but I'm not weak.  I have never in my life guessed the few times I trusted would get me hurt near as bad as they have. I will survive. And I will trust one day but it is not going to be an easy road. I guess most everyone would understand why now.

So if I call you a friend, and your a guy, feel like your special cuz I dont call many guys my friend.
I have friends that are true friends and they dont need benefits to be my friend.

Why do I keep doing this?

First let me start with no I'm not happy. Have never met or been with someone that makes me feel special. With that being said, I asked myself this one question. Is it possible?


I met a guy, he's special. I thought, is he the one?

This is what has happened so far.....

Played wizard some with him, he's pretty good. So I gave him the chance to talk to me. Gave him my phone number and facebook info and just waited. The first few times just talked about stuff, dogs, kids, weather. Nothing that would lead anyone to believe there was anything.

Texted him while he was at work. He was ok with that I think. He did say "about blew up my phone" not exactly sure what that ment. I'd like to think he enjoyed the "tented pants" comment but hard to tell without actually seeing his face. Faces tell you tons with a word being said.
A single touch of the hand on an arm connects you to a feeling, it it's there to start with.
I sent him music, all the songs had a message I'm not sure he got. He said he did but really?

I want him to feel what I feel for him. I'm not sure how I can do that but there has to be a way. The electricity  that flows from my fingertips to his skin and gives him goose bumps. I want him to feel that. When I'm in his arms with my head on his chest. Feel that love I have for him. When I walk by and I touch his shoulder with a glancing brush and he feels like someone is on his side and will be forever. I want him to feel that too. The light touch of lips on his neck sending a shiver down his spine, that just makes you feel like your wanted and loved.

Am I scared? you bet. Am I willing to take the chance? I believe I am. What makes me say that? easy for me to stay. I took off my wedding ring. That is a symbol of the end. Knowing I'm in a loveless marriage made it a bit easier but it was still hard. Now I look at my left hand being empty and think is this all there is? And I cry.


We talked about the difference between sex and making love. Yes there is a HUGE difference. Anyone can have sex, but making love is ALL different. Sex I've had, not always good. I've lied and told them it was. Then there are times when sex is a weapon. I'll make you do what I want by having sex with you. I've had that done to me more times than I can count. Usually the result wasn't what I wanted but went along with. Always making someone else happy. Never to make me happy. I have been in love 3 times in my life. Once was a blonde guy everyone else wanted and I happen to be lucky. I ended up pregnant with my daughter. But that's another story all it's own. Second time was an dark haired really smart guy. He made it clear I wasnt "his thing" so that died too.

Third time was the guy I married. Then he changed and not for the better either.
He used sex as a weapon. Was my duty to have sex, even if I wasn't in the mood for it. I went along to try and keep him happy. That didn't work, he was having sex with the neighbor and then he hired a hooker twice. I have refused to have sex with him again till he is tested for anything he might give to me. His nephew was sitting in the livingroom when he announced "dont have to worry my dick dont work no more anyways"  How would that make you feel, I felt like I had been kicked in the face. I couldn't say anything, just a dumbfounded look on my face. That final straw was 2 years ago right after he got out of prison.

I really wanted this to work out, not sure he did.
I've tried to explain how my life has gone. Some stuff you can't put in words they hurt so bad.
I wanted him to be the one. He deserves a bunch more happiness than he's had in his life. I wanted to give that to him.  But how?

My birthday came and went, I got NOTHING! Not hard to send thank you cards is it.
I was promised I would get something, another empty promise?
He said he would make it worth the wait. Oh really? how's that?

Turns his phone off when he walks into his house. Note I didn't say home. Home would mean there is love and family there. But his house is empty. He just moved there last month.
The helpless feeling I have when I can't reach him, I totally HATE IT. I can't tell if he's ok or hurt or what the hell is going on. Is he at the house alone? Is someone there? Is he hurt? Is he sick?
I can't tell a thing! that  just isn't working for me. Why? because I'm fearing he is hiding something from me. Why would he do that? I dont know. I know his life has thrown him some wicked curve balls but why not call and talk to me about it? I really want to help. I want to be his everything. To be waiting for him at the end of the day, everyday for the rest of his life.

I want to be held like I'm the last person on earth that would make them happy. I want to be able to lay next to them in bed with his arms around me making me know I'm safe. I want him! OK  stop with the wants, those dont get you anywhere. I am doomed to be unhappy. If it wasn't against my religion I would have ended it a long time ago. But being doomed to burn in hell can't hurt as much as I'm hurting now.
 
Why wont he let me help? What is he hiding? Can I trust him? Would he do something that would upset me? if so, what? How can I make myself trust someone when I've been hurt so deeply before? I've spent lots of time crying, the hurt is not fun, is this going to be just more hurt? I need answers, and I'm not getting them.

He didnt like my explanation of the L word and why I dont use it anymore.  It is the truth, the last time I told someone, other than my daughter, that I loved them I got this for a response "I dont care your breathing". Can I ever use that word again? dont know. It scares me to think someone can think so little of me they could dream up a response like that. That is one of the deepest hurts anyone has said to me and for him to be that flippant? How? it's sick, it's not a thing you tell them woman your married to even in fun. Because it's NOT fun, nor will it ever be fun.

I'd rather be dead then ignored. That is how I feel now. I need to know why anyone would give a rats ass about me? I guess it's not about me anymore. I could die and not a soul would notice.
I have not made any impact on anyone in my life. I dream terrible dreams all the time these days. Some I'm being raped again, and some I'm being left in the middle of nowhere with no way to get anywhere.  I never had really great dreams, usually they tell me what bad thing is going to happen or has happened. When does that stop?

Is there a future? dont think so. What do I have to look forward to? Hell I've never had a vacation, nevermind a future. When I tried to talk to anyone about maybe going to school, like I'm smart----yeah right I get nothing. With all the problems I've had with keeping my attention on anything for more than 20 seconds I dont see school as something I need to get in on. I jump subjects when I'm talking, can you imagine what it'd be like if I was trying to learn anything?
I have done manual labor most of my life, and it's taken a toll on my body.  Do I complain? nope dont do a lick of good. I have no insurance, dummy has insurance and refuses to use it. When I tried to get on disability, they laughed at me. Some crazy rule says 2 in the same household can't both get it. So I suffer and he controls the money. I know life's not fair but damn it at least give me a level playing field to start with.


UPDATE:

I did it, I used that L word. How did that help? it didn't. Now I feel like since he has got me to care he dont have to do anything anymore. I dont think I'm ever gonna use that word again. It is something I wont ever have by the looks of things. No matter what I do I end up exactly where I was to begin with. Still in a loveless marriage, hoping someone will think enough of me to get me the hell outta here. So here I sit waiting to die, there is nothing to look forward to in the future. I have no goals anymore, getting up is the extent of what I do everyday. Maybe I'm just too needy and no one wants that either. I'm no raving beauty but I'm not a double bagger either.
Double bagger is when you put 2 bags over thier head so the ugly can't seep through.
I dont want to live anymore, the hurt makes me want it to end. I think I'm the only person that prays to die in my sleep and get up disappointed it didnt happen. All I asked for was to have someone that cared I was alive, didn't get it this time either. Why is that so hard? Just a quick note in the morning saying hi, I'm glad your still here. Guess that is too much to wish for. Wishes are for those that have something and want it better. I have nothing, and dont look like anyone wants that to change. So I'll stay where I am till I die. I see no chance for it to change.

FURTHER UPDATE:

Well now that all this is past I look back and say, WHAT THE FUCK? He said he was divorced, his profile shows married. Which is true? His wife's profile says she is married too...hmmm Do I believe what I read or what he said? That is all I'm willing to share about what he said. I still have a ton of questions but not going to even try to find out fact.

I know I'm stuck in this loveless marriage, but he dont hit me so that is something.
He does call me not nice things, but most of the time I dont even listen.
When someone tells me they love me, I must take a gamble that he is true to what he says. This time it was not. Another man that dont hear anything past when are we having sex. No we didn't ever do that. I think he needs to grow up and grow a pair. Complaining does nothing but make someone feel like someone else might do something for them. Sorry I'm not a pity party and not going to help someone else feel sorry for themselves. If you have problems with someone else you must close that door before you open a new one.

I'm not a teen, so I can't go thru life acting like I'm 12 and get my way every time, that would be boring after a while.  All I asked of this person was to give a shit I'm alive and breathing. Text me everyday so I know your still out there kicking. That was too much to ask for? really?

Right now I'd have to say one simple thing, men are all liars and think with body parts. They dont care who they hurt and when. So I will stay to myself and let them lie till thier ass blows out. I'm not going to believe what they say till they prove it first.